Why am I feeling the way I do in the midst of the COVID Pandemic?

From time to time I sit back and observe people.  Under a Safe at Home order here in my state my closest subjects to watch or observe are my own family (although I have been in so many Zoom mtgs of late that I get to watch others as well).  It is interesting how people are responding to and coping with the COVID-19 pandemic.  My family is no different.  Our seven year old son has moved his bed into Heidi's and my bedroom and declared "I am staying here until this is over."  Our sixteen year old son has launched out on an adventure and built a "home" in one of our maple trees out of pallets and blue tarps.  He moved his mattress and an electric heater out there and has been sleeping there for the last two weeks.  A simple scroll through Facebook and you will quickly discover all of the comfort food that many are turning to.  Others are lashing out in anger and we hear more and more about domestic violence, child and alcohol abuse.  The question that I want to take a look at today is "what is the root of this behavior?"  Would it surprise you if I said "Grief and Loss?"

In the midst of COVID-19 everyone is experiencing loss. Grief is the normal and natural reaction to loss and results in a variety of feelings.  We become sad, angry, and scared to name a few.  Sadly we have, over time, transitioned to a belief that we need to be happy all the time and try to suppress or bury these feelings.  This is unhealthy and in the midst of this season we need to allow ourselves to grieve. Unfortunately, we have been ill equipped to do this through six myths.  Take a look at these and see if have heard these or are buying into them:

Myth 1.  Don't feel bad.    (It would be easy to hear someone saying: "Don't feel bad you do not have it" or "Don't feel bad at least you have a job that you can work from home")

Myth 2.  Replace the loss.  ("Well at least you can find another job" or "Once this is over you can get more hugs from everyone")

Myth 3.  Grieve alone.  ("I can't be sad around my family so I have to go and hide in my room for a while")

Myth 4.  Be strong.  ("I am not going to live in fear so I do not have to wash my hands" or "I am not going to let this have control so I am going to....")

Myth 5.  Keep busy.  ("I will do all of these jobs around the house so I do not have to think about COVID")

Myth 6.  It just takes time.  ("Once this is over I can return back to normal")

When these myths do not work we turn to what the Grief Recovery Institute calls Short Term Energy Releasing Behaviors (STERBs) or coping mechanisms to deal with it.  The problem arises in that they are only effective in the short term and not a long term solution.  At worst these can become addictions in the long run or extra pounds.  A better approach is to realize what is going on and address it by releasing the emotions and talking about it with family and friends.  

To learn more:

- here is a link to my YouTube video on this topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQPhTclcj_w&list=PLYSdk4DAv_anFhxfY0u-bVYvh0vcgJIqn

- get the book The Grief Recovery Handbook by John James.

- visit the Grief Recovery Method's blog page: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog

As always feel free to message me with questions.

Blessings,

PT