Sermon Notes: Gospel Centered Living Part 2 (Marriage)

My text for my June 9th sermon was John 13:12-15.

Opening/interactive questions:

- What did Peter get in trouble for in last week's text (Galatians 2:11-14)?

- T or F: Men & Women are the same?

- Finish the verse:

   - "Wives ________ __ _____ ______ .......? (Ephesians 5:22)

   - "Husbands _______ _______ _______ ......? (Ephesians 5:25)

- What is Christian marriage supposed to represent?

Answers:

- Peter got in trouble for failing to live in line with the Gospel.

- Everybody shouted "False" but my challenge then is "Why then do we try to treat each other as if we were the same?

- Typically men are quick to throw the "submit" word around but do not finish the verse while women desire love and resent their husbands when they do not feel loved...or do not respect him...

- Marriage is to be a representation of the church's relationship with Jesus...hmmmm how is the church doing? How are marriages doing?  I wonder if there is a direct correlation...

So back to our text.  What in the world does John 13:12-15 have to do with marriage?  I propose that if more couples memorized this text and applied it to their marriages they would be more Gospel centered.  If spouses stepped down and took on the role of servant it would be easier for our marriages to become what they are supposed to be.

My first illustration came from several weeks ago when my oldest son said to one of our members "You should listen to your wife."  To which the  husband quickly responded "I do not know what your dad is teaching in your house, but that isn't how it works in mine." Or something to that effect.  Now I wasn't privy to the entire conversation, but I quickly responded that I agreed with my son. I say that from the perspective of how are you going to know how to love, serve, wash your wife in the Word if you are not listening to her. My wife will gladly tell anyone who asks that she has no problem submitting to me, because I listen to her, have demonstrated that I have her best interest in mind and I am ultimately responsible to God. She will also say that she is more than happy that I am the one accountable to God for our family and not her.

If Jesus is at the center I will strive to serve my spouse, if self is at the center I will do things like demand my rights, argue, treat my spouse as I want to be treated and withhold things like affection, sex, etc.

Having a great, Christ centered marriage isn't rock science. In fact, I sum up books like For Couples Only, His Needs, Her Needs, and 5 Love Languages by offering the following advice in all of my premarital/marriage counseling:

- Die to self live to Jesus serve your spouse
- Be a student of your spouse
- Never let the sun go down on your anger
- Love is a choice

If I have a Christ centered marriage these are the natural out flow.  You will implement the "Platinum Rule" which says: "Treat others as they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated."  If I am going to serve my wife then I must seek to understand her (Be a student of her) and minister to her in ways that she sees as a blessing.  One of the ways my wife is wired is to make lists and for her to relax or go to bed she wants/needs her list checked off.  Now one thing that is on her list is dishes...now let's say it is 8:30PM, she is getting the kids ready for bed and the dishwasher needs to be loaded and other dishes that are too big for the dishwasher need to be washed...I have a choice...I can do whatever I want to do and gripe/complain wondering why she hasn't gotten the dishes taken care of or I can say "I am going to apply John 13:12-15 to my marriage and do the dishes for her."  It isn't rock science to know which one is Christ centered and deepen our marriage and which choice isn't/won't.

When couples come in for marriage counseling I always look at him and say finish the sentence: "My wife needs me to......"  Generally he starts to squirm a little and says "love her."  I smile and say: "OK, but what does that mean...typically he stares at me or fumbles through some answer.  Then I look at her and say you can correct me if I am wrong but I think the answer is "My wife needs me to cherish her...delight in her...treat her like she is the center piece on the table that when you walk in you can't take your eye off of..."  I have never had a woman tell me I am wrong, in fact one said "Your a man...how did you know that?"  Simple I am a student of my spouse, I have read Scripture and books like Wild At Heart/Captivating...I next ask her to finish the sentence: "My husband needs me to ....."  Fifty percent of the time they say "respect him," but the challenge is are they?  One day several of us where standing around talking and one wife started tearing her husband down (he wasn't around) and sharing how she wasn't going to do anything for him...to which I said "Where is the Gospel in that?"  She was silent for a moment, someone else said it isn't, she agreed and then picked up where she left off...if they applied John 13:12-15/the Gospel their marriage would be radically different.

My wife and I before we said "I do" committed to never let the sun go down on our anger...which means we are committed to always working through things and not letting things stew and fester...that has severed us well and is in line with the Gospel.

Lastly, love is a choice.  I have chosen to place my wife above all other women...most days that is really easy and once in a great while it isn't...she has chosen to place me above all other men...some days that is easy for her and some days it isn't.  The days when it isn't are most likely days when one or both of us is placing self at the center rather than Jesus.

I "wash my wife's feet" not to get what I want, but because Jesus loved me and gave His life for me...my prayer and challenge for you is that you will take John 13:12-15/the Gospel and put/keep it at the center.

Blessings,
T

Sermon Notes: Gospel Centered Living Part 1 (Rest/Trust)

On June 2nd I launched a sermon series called Gospel Centered Living. I am continually telling the congregation that they have to "preach the Gospel to themselves daily" if they want to grow in their relationship with Jesus.  It has been neat to see how the Spirit is using that phrase and helping them apply it, but I also realized that maybe I should flesh it out for them in a series.

Aside from the Bible (especially Galatians) I recommend Jerry Bridges' "The Discipline of Grace," CJ Mahany's "The Cross Centered Life" and an article by Rev. Tim Keller "The Centrality of the Gospel. http://download.redeemer.com/pdf/learn/resources/Centrality_of_the_Gospel-Keller.pdf. I will confess up front that these resources heavily influenced my first message in this series.

If you look at Galatians 2:14 Paul challenged Peter that his conduct "was not in line with the Gospel."  It would be easy to say "Come on Paul what is the big deal, so Peter rediscovered his roots and got a little religion."  This is where Rev. Keller does a great job pointing out the following:

- The Gospel is the very power of God (Romans 1:16)
- "It is not just the A,B,C's of Christianity but the X,Y,Z also."  It is not just for unbelievers, but rather it is how we grow (Colossians 1:5-6)
- "There are 2 thieves that rob the Gospel of its power...religion and irrereligion and Christianity isn't a balancing act between the two, but rather a wholly other way"

To illustrate this I say: "You can never grow beyond your need for Jesus.  You can never get to a place where you can say 'Thanks Jesus I'll take it from here' and step outside of Him." You also cannot walk around and say "I have Jesus in my back pocket and can do whatever I want."  No Jesus' life, death and resurrection won't allow that either...

So the challenge becomes what are you resting/trusting in?  If you are living centered on the Gospel (Jesus) your life will look radically different than if you are resting/trusting in yourself.  The key question here is always to ask "What is motivating me?  Is it self or Jesus?  Is it me or the Gospel? Self always says either "I will do it my way" or "I can do/earn this in my own strength," but in the end is all about "me."  The Gospel says I am a new creation...I am no longer my own...I have been bought with a price...die to self live to Christ aka take up your cross...the truth will/has set you free...

For example the command to "take every thought captive" then isn't something you do simply by shear will power, but rather something you do as every thought comes in line with the Gospel.  If it is something that you produce it is worthless and self-centered...if you ignore the command as too hard that too is self-centered. But if you preach the Gospel to yourself, live in tune with the Spirit, the power of the Gospel will be unleashed in you enabling life transformation to take place.

Over my next several articles we will look at how this plays out in marriage, parenting, finances and our witness to name a few.